#if it's your birthday: dont say i never didnt not do... nothing. for you.

[pizzdotbiz]

Happy Birthday to no one in particular!

[sucktacular]

Shower good. 👍👍👍

In bed now. Considering making a hot bowl of instant noodles ...

[celibibratty]

bullying is such a fuck up type of phsychological abuse(i hate that people don't take it seriously to call it an abuse but it is a type of abuse), you don't know what to do, is helpless, when we were kids, everybody used to say(mostly our mother) "just ignore them, they will eventually stop, they will lose interest if you show no reaction", but don't do anything/show no reaction also makes things worse(i hated it, it never helped), it only proves how much of a victim you are, it shows that it won't have any consequences, they can do anything with you whenever they want CUZ YOU ALWAYS WILL DO NOTHING, but if you do react things can go two ways round (or you intimidate them in a way that they will stop trying messing with you(very difficult) or will make worse cuz they will find entertaining), is a no escape situation, you feel stuck, theres nothing to do, every little move or word makes things worse(the advice that i hated the most and mom always used to suggest was "just play along with it, smile, find it funny too", i never bought it that bullshit, they werent my fucking Friends, i not gonna let myself/ourselves being a joke,what they do it/say it hurted me, i can't just pretend it doesnt upsets me)

[divinesolas]

Shots

summary: you’ve been best friends with jacaerys since you were children but due to his recent girlfriend you two have barely spent anytime together. You two are forced back into the same space when you attend cregan starks party and tensions rise

r.q: Nothing specific but please give more modern jace w smut. Your work is so gooddd 😩

w.c: 2k

c.w: porn with a little plot, a little angst, modern!college!cregan, modern!college!jace x reader, cregan the miracle worker, oral (f!receiving), protected sex (WRAP IT UP!), not proofread

a.n: i have a couple requests im supposed to get done before this but when i saw this in my inbox it wouldn't leave my mind 😭 love you guys hope you enjoy 🫶

You didnt want to come to this party tonight but cregan had practically begged you to come.

‘i dont know cregan.’ you had told him while walking out of your shared lab class. ‘oh come on itll be fun,’ he pauses and thinks for a moment before having a devious grin on his face. ‘if youre worried about it i promise you wont see jace. he said hes busy’ you eye him and he swears hes not lying so you shrug and tell him sure you’ll be there leading him to hug you before running off.

its not like you hated jacaerys, you couldnt the two of you are best friends. Well you're currently unsure of how the two of you stand, his current girlfriend seemed so determined to be rid of you and you didn't want to get in the way you backed off not wanting her to feel uncomfortable but its since left you feeling strange.

You should feel happy for him, he's found someone he seems to like but instead you’re left with a sharpness in your chest anytime you think about him and someone else. You like him. No maybe you love him but he clearly doesn't seem to like you like that so you can never tell him that. You're happy he isn't at this party and is busy doing whatever he’s doing. You decided you need to take your mind off him, you can keep yourself stuck in your head over this and you certainly cant be crushing on a taken man.

Now youre stuck talking with this guy, something Lannister you don't even know his name, but he seems more than eager to be talking with you and for that a part of you is grateful you didn’t have to work to hard to get a guys attention.

“Wheres the bathroom?” “Ill take you to one.” He grabs your hand harshly and begins to lead you to the staircase. You tug at the hand hes stuck holding and attempt to get him to let go telling him you dont need him to hold you. He says something about it just being quicker and you should just follow him. This rings alarms in your head and now your gripping the rail and forcefully trying to get out of his grip. “get the fuck off me!” “just shut the fuck up and come with me.”

“What the fuck do you think your doing man?” Your eyes widen in shock at his voice as the lannister scoffs at him, “just trying to take the lady to the restroom velaryon.” “she doesn't wanna go with you man let her go. and theres not a bathroom up there.” He walks up to the other guy and shoves him back his hand lets go of yours and with your new freedom and you quickly put a distance between you two. The lannister mumbles some shit under his breath and ends up walking upstairs alone, “she isnt even worth it.”

“are you okay?” jace quickly rushes back over to you and grabs your hand check it looking at you alarmed. “im okay thank you jace.” He lets out a sigh of relief and takes a step back running a hand through his hair. You just stare at him and your heart races, god hes so hot wearing just a pair of shorts and an open white button up with his whole chest out, the necklace you had given him for his birthday a couple years ago sits nicely on his chest, his hair is wet and even so is his chest leading you to realize he had been out in the pool. He was at this fucking party. Cregan that fucking asshole. “i thought you weren't coming.”

He tilts his head at you and shakes his head, “who told you that?” “Cregan.” He hums and turns away for a second mumbling some stuff under his breath you swear you hear something about cregan being an ass before turning back to you. “He must have gotten the dates mixed up.” All you can do is nod and play with your fingers, its awkward. You have never felt awkward around jace so this was different, of course your own feelings have to come around and ruin everything. While you look down at your hands you dont notice that hes just staring at you with a starry eyes. “You want a drink?”

You look up at him and you feel hot finally noticing his gaze on you, “sure.” The two of you make your way to the kitchen where you walk past cregan who gives you a wink as you walk by that fucking asshole, what was he even trying to do? As you watch jace you cant help yourself, “hows… oh whats her name?” you mumble the last part under your breath unable to even remember the poor girls name. He just hums and hands you a cup, “Claire? Oh we broke up.” you gasp and look at him shocked, “oh my god im so sorry.” he smiles at you and shakes his head easily tossing the shot into his mouth. “She cheated on me, you know that guy mason,” “the guy in the photography course?” “yeah with him,” “he looks like her cousin,” “thats because he is her cousin.” you gasp in horror on of you hands flying to cover your mouth as you try not to laugh.

He laughs, and makes a fist to cover his mouth, all you can think about is how beautiful he is, “You can laugh you know its funny.” with his permission you dub over with a laugh and shake your head, “thats unbelievable.” “imagine my shock!” “Im still sorry by the way, thats really shitty.” He continues to look out in the distance as he takes other shot, “its alright love i was gonna dump her anyway.”

You take a sip from your cup and just watch him, “why? thought you liked her?” For the first time in awhile he looks over at you and you take notice of the affectionate look in his eyes as he smiled softly at you. “i realized i liked somebody else.” “Ah.” you look away and you feel him move closer to you and grab you chin to look at him. “You wanna know who?” “Jace..” Hes standing so close you can smell his cologne, his hand leaves you chin and runs down your arm. “Ive known her for a long time but i only just realized how much i love her, I’ve been a fool.”

You kiss him, reaching your hands to cup his cheeks, he deepens the kiss his hands grabbing your waist to pull you closer to him pressing you directly against him. You dont know how long youve been standing there just kissing him, when you two pull away to take a breath you can hear a get a room from someone who walks by and you remember youre just standing in some random guys kitchen and press your head into his neck. “this is so embarrassing.” he just laughs and presses a kiss to the top of your head. “You wanna come back to mine?” His implications are very clear to you especially as you feel his hardness pressing against you, you nod.

Not even thirty minutes later he had you laid out bare on his bed, his mouth latched onto your clit leaving you desperately clinging onto his hair as you throw your head back, “jace.” he hums as he brings one of his hands down to play with your folds as his other stays firmly on your stomach pressing you down onto the mattress.

as you get closer your hands stray from his hair and fist the newly washed sheets under you as you continue to call out his name. you've been with a couple guys in the past but none pf them compared to how jace had been making you feel, none of them made you quiver and shake when you came like he did. he mouth finally detaches from you and he sits up looking at you while licking his lips. “That good?” You slap his chest and continue to take some deep breaths, “fuck you.” “i will i promise.”

His shirt and shorts had been thrown off somewhere, probably out laying in his hallway along with your clothes. He quickly slides a condom on before climbing on top of you so his necklace is dangling in front of you. “You good?” you nod at him and he kisses down your neck and leaves kisses all over your breasts. “Need you jace.”

“you need what baby?” you groan as you feel him push his dick between you fold lightly rubbing up and down. “Please jace.” “what is it? tell me and ill do anything for you.” He looks at you expectantly and you let out a strained moan as you begin to beg him, “please fuck me jace please please.” he hums happily and quickly readjusts himself, “You only needed to ask baby.”

You feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest as he thrusts into you, as your hands grip his his back and running down it as he continues to thrust, thats definitely going to leave a mark. but based on the hiss and groans he lets out that tells you he likes it.

You swear youve never felt so good, he continues to hit the deepest and sweetest parts of you. He fucks you so fast and hard you're shocked the bed under you stays intact, he brings one of his hands down to your clit and your hands dig into his lower back and you cant help but press your head to his shoulder. “Jace fuck jace.” your mouth his muffled against his skin but he acknowledges you by bringing his lips to yours into a harsh kiss matching the thrusts of his hips. “Wanted this for so long jace.” he groans and you swear he somehow begins to move faster, “me too baby me too, now that i have you ill never let you go,” he licks at the sweat that has dripped his way to you neck and his hands move to grip your waist, “gonna fuck you everyday, i promise fuck best pussy in the world.”

You whimper at his words and your head is once against pressed against his shoulder, “im so close.” “cum for me baby please i need to feel it,” he hisses as he feels you bite into his shoulder and his eyes rolls back into head, “im right behind you fuck cum please.”

“i love you.” the words leave you easily as you cum. He cums at the sensation of you releasing, “fuck i love you.” leaving him twitching and still as he huffs and puffs, out of breath. he pulls out with a hiss and lets out an apology as he sees you wince, he climbs out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom, getting rid of his condom and coming back with a towel cleaning you and him up before climbing into bed next to you.

“fuck that was good.” the two of you laugh and you roll yourself to look at him. “did you mean it?” he hums and draws shapes on your stomach, “mean what?” “that you love me?” He looks at you with a dumbfounded look, “are you serious?” you rolls your eyes and try to turn away but he grabs you and pulls you close to him pressing your face against his chest, “of course i love you you idiot.” you smile and press a kiss on his chest before you fall asleep.

when you wake up the next morning and check you phone you see some text from cregan from last night.

‘saw you leave with jace just now 😁’

‘you’re welcome you bitch 🫶’

[cheri-2047]

Lyney x Reader who hates their birthday

A/N: Thought of this prompt since my friend who used to hate their bday's birthday is near. Havent written anything in months so hopefully the quality isnt to bad... CHARACTERS: Lyney, TAGS: Angst with comfort in the end. SLIGHT SH mention (scratches). Fluff. Kissing (in a comforting way) btw I think "Cherie" means love or lovely

3....2....1... "Happy birthda-!...Sweetheart.?" Lyney opens the door to your bedroom at 12 AM, a fresh sweet cake in his hands. The house of the Hearth wasn't far and since he was your boyfriend, you gave him the keys. What Lyney didnt expect to see was you on your bed, curled up under the sheets, tears pouring down your face. "Ah Lyney!" You quickly wipe your face, trying to get rid of the (obvious) evidence. You sit up, smiling as you moved to give him space on the bed. "Mon Cher?" He mutters, quickly placing the cake down on your wooden bedside table. He sits on your soft, cold sheets as he wipes the remaining evidence of your previous emotions. "Whats wrong? Did somebody do something? Why are you...?" He looks worried. He frowns as he watches you struggling to not cry. He quickly pulls you into his warm embrace, patting your head as he does so. He mutters against your ear. "Y/N...You can cry, just tell me why?" He says, wanting nothing but to comfort you. He notices the way your red arms weakly hug him back...smiling at the small gesture. He always loved it when you-....wait. Red? He gently inspects your arms, looking down at them without holding them to not shock you. He see's the small red bumps on your arm, when he realizes what it is. "Scratchmarks..." "What?" You mutter, fidgeting slightly with your sleeve in shame. You averted your gaze from the man, subconsciously holding him tighter in a way to hide the marks. "Mon cher why..? Its your Birthday.." You felt a pang in your heart. Birthday... You thought. You despised this day. The one day meant for celebration only brought sorrow to you. Your thoughts running at a million miles an hour as you thought about the horrors of the day. You dreaded it, which caused you to accidentally harm yourself without even noticing. "Im sorry..." "No." Your eyes widen at his refusal, not knowing what to do and only feeling worse. You refuse to look at him, afraid of the possible look of anger and disapointment. "Dont apologize, no apologizing please...Mon Ange, why did you do this to yourself?" He mutters, holding your arm and frowning at the extent of the scratches. You dont see any trace of disappointment, but only worry and concern for you. "You know you can always talk to me right?" Ah there it was again. The one phrase you've heard multiiple times. They offer help but you cant help but refuse it. You've grown to be afraid of opening up. Scared for being perceived as weak, for the fear that you hurt others with your emotions. You never believed that you deserved a birthday, that you only bring harm to others. You're a bad person. You're a bad person who doesn't deserve anything. Nobody should celebrate your birth. You dont deserve to- "Y/N" He frowns, pulling your nails away from your arm. You snapped out of your thoughts, blinking rapidly at the confusion. "Please stop harming yourself" He mutters, rubbing the part of your arm that you didn't even realize you scratched. He frowned, bringing the scratched part to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to it. "Please talk to me mon cher...Im worried..." You sighed, tears welling up in your arms. You had feared this, you were scared that he would force you to talk. But as you looked at his deep violet eyes, you only saw worry. Not anger.

You snuggle deeper into his warm embrace. Explaining to him that you never felt like you deserved to be celebrated. He listened, he nodded and rubbed your back as you let out your sorrows. He whispered soft reassurances in your ear. "Please dont believe that cherie...Everybody deserves to be born..." he mutters, fixing your hair, his gaze on the cake he placed on your nightstand. "It pains me to think that you're a monster when all I had seen you do is make others smile.... Sweetheart, you're a good person. Yes, we all make mistakes, but we also do good.." He pulled away, looking at your expression to make sure you understood. "We celebrate births because all of us have a place on earth..You weren't- You AREN'T a mistake. You deserve a celebration.." He says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Please give me a chance to prove to you that your life is worth celebrating?" Smiling, he pulls away, wiping the remaining tears. As he watches you (hesitantly) nod, he gets the cake he made.

"Can I perform a trick?"

You see him pull out his deck of cards. You nod, curious to see what was happening.

"Pick a card...Any card"

You picked the card in the middle of the deck. You looked in confusion as he got the card from you. He then quickly pulled out a big box from it, filled with gifts for only you.

"Close your eyes..." You follow, letting him do whatever. He then sings a soft, comforting happy birthday song to you. When he finishes, he lets you blow the candle. and gives you the box of presents "I love you Mon Cherie, Happy birthday"

---

(NOT PROOFREAD!!!)

A/N: ANNNND THATS IT HAHAHAHAHAH anyways I havent written in awhile and im actually waiting for a meeting right now so I dont have time to color code it. Im so sorry for taking so long to write, I couldnt find the motivation and genuinely forgot that this acc existed. Thank you all!!! PS: REQUESTS ARE OPEN

[gunthermunch]

[Transcript under the cut]

WG: breathe, this is normal you big baby Lucas: right. right. normal. FAMILY. WG: i used the front door? Lucas: okay… WG: we all hide the keys on the same spot, blame mom. WG: you know, never check under the rug first that's the toy one, always dig a hole next to the weird rock, that's were the real key is? Lucas: yes, i know WG: see? all legal Lucas:-doni't worry, I love seeing you! i just- thought you were at Gunther's…? WG: that's old done story man, i'm on my way yo San My now. WG: thought of seeing our little booger boy while on the road today- by the way what happened to you? you're like, massive Lucas: oh i. WG: it's whatever congratulations. oh right. your phone Lucas: thanks! it's warm WG: it was under my butt Lucas: … WG: …you're expecting someone's something? Lucas: what? no WG: are you sure? look at me in the eyes Lucas Munch Lucas: knock it off.. it's… nothing. WG: fine, sure! Lucas: …stop looking at me. WG. wanna get me off your back? feed me

WG: so what do you do for fun round here? Lucas: hmm… i'd say i have the most fun with Clarita wg: who's that? new friend? Lucas: ah! she's the cow, dummy WG: really, Lucas? Lucas: what? WG: really, Lucas? Lucas: hey this is fun to me! i'm fine this way! WG: are you… saying this is all you do? Lucas: no? i also go to the market every day. mostly to grab new flowers and sell stuff. WG: well good luck with that WG: anyways, do you have any spare bucks laying around? Lucas: i knew it! WG: then why didnt you just put your money down earlier, huh? Lucas: Lucas: my coat, left pocket WG: you're the best. WG: and i swear i'll give it back by your birthday Lucas: uh huh WG: the hell. don't play smart with me WG ruffles Lucas' hair aggressively Lucas: owowowow OKAY!!!- WG: well, see you later Lukey WG: -also, say hi to Max for me Lucas: yeah sure, no biggie

Chat Max: and i thought i was messed up yknow Lucas: ahahh dont be mean to her!! or about her! Max: anyways. i need to rest ttyl Lucas: sleep well!!!!!!!!!!

sent two weeks ago

[these-posts-arent-real]

Clanblr dashboard simulator is back babye (part 1)

#yes i just finished part 1 #yes im already doing another one #this is really fun to me #hey btw when the follow button is "missing" it isnt missing. #that's your mutuals

0 notes

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

I miss leaf-bareeeeee... my long-haired ass CANNOT with this weather

#shorthairs please dont reblog with "actually i think the warm weather is nice" #then this post isn't for you #robbbinposts

3 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

I'm trnasgender

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Happy 6 moon anniversary to the time I butchered what was supposed to be my cool, unexpected coming-out with a spelling error

🔥 b-b-b-blaaazr Follow

At least the typo wasnt in your url dude

Also. The coming out wasnt unexpected. At all. We all knew.

#fuck you blaze #"we all knew" yeah maybe because i posted about how i wished i was a tom 10 times a day #whacking uou on the head with my manly paws

204 notes

🔁 🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Happy bday to @lionsight-x3, my beloved mutual! Cant imagine life without you

🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow

AGHJHHHH THANK YOUUU ILY SO MUCH LILY <3

#Was honestly having a TERRIBLE birthday until I saw this. #Love you so much Lilystem.

3 notes

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

Am I the only one who didnt know that @ex-thunderclan-kipper is a kittypet??

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

His whole blog, including his url, is based around the fact that he's ex-clan... how are you just now finding this out...

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

I just followed for the wood-scratching art..

#didnt realize he was a kittypet #:/

17 notes

🦢 gentlesong-momof17 Follow

Kits are having their apprentice ceremony tomorrow... can't believe they're all grown up. At least my next litter is due in a moon!!

#momlife #queen #leaving the nursery #mom life #nursery queen #perm queen #perm queen life #permanent queen #permanent queen life

1 note

🔁 🪺 robbbinpaw Follow reblogged

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Im actually gonna die

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Sorry guys forgot to specify. My assessment is tomorrow. So like. My mentor is gonna decide if I get to become a warrior or not. Im freaking out

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

Wait. Youre an apprentice still??

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Ya? My bio says 11 moons- how old did you think I was?

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

WHAT????

I thought you were 21 moons old! Last time I read your bio was 2 days ago and I swear I thought it said 21!??

#moose ive been thinking you were 21 this whole time #cant believe youre only a moon older than me #this is surreal #robbblogs

50 notes

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

Im on transblr and I keep mixing @l1llyst3m up with @carnation-stem-02... they look nothing alike and post about completely different things I think it's just the (flower)stem names

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

This is extra funny to me considering Lily and I actually became mutuals due to a similar mix-up (someone tagged her where they meant to tag me) but I for the life of me cannot understand how nobody takes one look at our blogs and never makes that mistake again.

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

To the cats in the notes saying "but you're both trans, it's confusing" guys. We arent even the same flavor of gender...

#shes transfemme #im agender #why is this even a source of confusion #we dont even go by the same pronouns..

2,702 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

Uh... hello?? I think Im on the wrong site... what in the name of StarClan is... Tumblr...

[ninmnoi]

— Stop, you’re losing me.

mingyu x reader || angst.

summary ; trying to save an already failing relationship is a lot harder when he forgets your birthday.

(not proof read lol)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Its your birthday, you’ve never made a big deal about it tell you met him. You still remember his shocked face and loud “WHAT” when you told him you dont found your birthday a big deal, its just another day. Ever since then, he always celebrated your birthday in fun surprises and dinners. He made it so important and meaningful for you, and the big part of that is because you know he’ll be there.

So your nothing short of despair when its past 5pm and he hasnt once messaged you. It’d be another thing if he just didnt message happy birthday, you wouldve been okay with goodmoring.

You sigh putting your phone down, bitting your lip as your eyes water. It shouldnt be this serious, you’ve never even cared about your birthday before, so why dose it hurt so bad now?

Mingyu

That god damn Mingyu.

He used to be such a soft spoken soul, aiding to your needs as you do with him, those first few years of your relationship. He confessed to you in your own backward, he put his effort and time into it. You can even smell the flowers that lead to Mingyu, see the lights that brightened his soft smile, that swift hair and tall figure standing nervously fiddling with the bouquet in his hands. And who could forget the blush that tainted his face and ears, tears threatening to jump out after you said “yes.”

Now, your even lucky if he stays with you a whole day. Its always this or that driving him away. When he left your sisters engagement dinner because a friend of his needed help moving in, or when he canceled a date because he forgot a “really super duper important project” as he said. The nights he wouldnt call, the empty king bed. The second toothbrush that hasnt been moved in 2 weeks.

It drove you insane, but you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

“Maybe he’s busy”

“Hes probably sleeping”

“God his phone must’ve died”

Your friends would yell at you over text, spamming you with the reality check you needed, but never could deposit. After pacing around the kitchen trying to ignore the cute cake you bought with a sad candle slowly sinking into it. You pick up your phone and call him.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

*click!*

Did he just hang up on you..?

No, he would have to be crazy.

You call again.

Same fucking thing, even quicker just 2 rings in.

You open his contact info, trying to see where his location would put him.

“No Location Found.” You curse, what is he hiding? Your mind leads to the one scenario you’ve been dreading, infidelity. The thought of him cheating makes you wanna throw up, but sadly its a most common event. You’re just so done with everything, putting the cake away into the fridge and changing clothes. Its now 6:42pm and with the major headache you have, you simply decided to sleep it off. Hugging the build-a-bear Mingyu bought you a year back, it muffles your sobs, soaking in the tears.

It’s cold and dark when your awaken by an extra weight adjusting it’s self onto the right side of the bed. You recognize it all to well. Mingyu pulls the covers over himself, giving you a small peck on the tip of your ear.

“You’re home” you say, your drowsy and hurt voice clear.

“Yeah- im sorry im so late” he whispers to you

“There's cake in the fridge”

“Cake? For what”

You sigh, “My birthday”

You can hear his breathe hitch.

“Fuck- Baby im so sorry. I didnt mean to forget. I was just so bus-.”

You sit up.

“Busy,? from what? So busy you couldnt even text? Because clearly it wouldnt have taken as much time as hanging up on me and turning off your location did. So if ‘busy’ is some new slang for ignoring then that makes way more sense.”

“I didnt even know you called, i swear. My location should be on babe.. I” He mumbles on

“Then whos hanging up on me? Making sure i dont know where your at? Is she fun?”

Mingyu’s eyes widen

“What are you talking about?”

“Her, you know.. Is she attractive? What is it huh? Skinner than me? Or maybe blonder? Or is because you dont need to be responsible for her?

“Baby no, its none of that.” He grabs your shoulders.

“I love you, calm down”

“How can i?” You exclaim, jumping off the bed.

“You missed my birthday! I waited for you like some stupid dog! I felt so stupid.”

“I dont understand, birthdays were never that big of a deal for you”

“They werent until you made it a problem! Now look at me” you say, the tear stained face and puffy cheeks evident.

Mingyu gets up, walking over to you.

“I know ive been distant, let me make it up to you”

“Where were you tonight?”

He stays quiet for a moment, taking a deep breathe

“My friend he uh… invited me to a club” he quietly says.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Okay..?”

“Mingyu, get out”

“What?” His heart drops.

“Get out! Did the club music deafen you?? I want you gone” You yell, tears streaming down your face as you push him out. Though you have little to no affect of moving his body, it makes it all the more depressing.

“Okay…Okay..” He quietly says, grabbing his phone off the dresser. Looking down at you with remorseful eyes. His heart aching at the messed up state your in. And its because of him, god.

You slam the door behind him, locking it. You sigh before faintly walking back to your bed.

And theres your build-a-bear, ready to be hugged and to soak all your tears again.

Atleast, that comforts you.

[maxolotlmp3]

serious post again, CW: brief mentions of suicide and death threats

i saw a post that stated "bullying alone can not cause USDD/OSDD" i dont remember the exact words but that was the jist of it.

kids are fucking brutal. story time! when we were in grade 10 (freshman year, i believe) we got our head slammed in a locker door. we got a concussion from that. we have permanent double vision, we had one surgery, and we have another lined up because it will not go away. we had to do a full year of eye therapy and exercises in an attempt to fix it that did not work. that same kid has been verbally tormenting us since before kindergarten. that kid has gotten multiple of our classmats to berate us and bring us down. that kid has genuinely caused us to consider suicide. he turned everyone against us, spread rumours, the works. we had NO friends from school. we never had anyone over for birthdays except cousins who were obligated to come. we never got invited to anyone elses birthday, because no one liked us. we were the 'weird kid' (undiagnosed autism, undiagnosed adhd, undiagnosed other disorders that fuck with our mind and make dayto day life more impossible than it is) no one ever wanted to be our friend we were isolated and neglected and! bullied! HARSHLY! PHYSICALLY HARMED by classmates. we are 20 years of age bodily, we have a few issues (that i will not name) that makes our mental age be the equivalent of 15-16. we will always be a few years behind our physical age. our mom says that once we turn 24, 25 that itll be easier to pretend we're the right age mentally. all of this shit got us bullied to the point where this other kid deemed it acceptable to screw up our fucking vision by smalling our head in a locker door when we bent down to pick up a binder and make our parents shell out fifty thousand+ dollars to try and fix it. you wanna know what they did to make sure we didnt get bullied again? took us out of the same classes and moved our locker. he didnt get suspended or expelled or even punished. the bullying stopped after we dropped out due to suicidal thoughts and self harming tendencies. we have not gone back, and we legally cant go back as we're legal adults now.

when our aunts went to school, they received threats such as "im going to bring my dads b*tch*r kn*fe to school and ch*p your head off". do you know how fucking upsetting that is to a child? do you know how terrified our aunts were when they got told things like that DAILY? they could not go to the teachers, because the teachers would step in, talk to the bully, and then the bully would call them tattletales and bully them harder.

we got hit with a motercycle by our brother and then got blamed for it. it wasnt our fault. we were on a bicycle, driving on the right side of the road, pretty much in the ditch. and he hit us and lied about it to our parents so he wasnt in trouble and they believed him and yelled at us and took our bike away. even lying like that can be horribly horriby damaging to a small child.

when youre a small child and dont have a big concept of 'things could be worse!' and stuff like that, bullying is a massive deal and it can, and has, driven people to suicide, kids recieve literal death threats and then dont tell people because they will get bullied harder. other kids will lie about big things and then you get blamed for something very serious that is not your fault. kids get physically harmed, and the teachers do nothing about it and the child learns early on that they are on their own. traumatizing, right? people also seem to forget that parents are the bullies sometimes. parents who bully their kids also count as bullying. bullying is bullying no matter who it is.

obviously our trauma and OSDD wasnt caused solely by bullying. we have a rough home life, our parents are actively preventing us from getting a job and moving out, but thats a story for another time or maybe even never. i dont mind sharing those three stories as they happened a long long time ago, we have come to terms with it and accepted that they happened. we cant do anything about it anymore.

dont share your trauma online unless you know for a fact you wont be bothered if someone attempts to harass you or use it against you, this was to prove a point and let people know how fucking awful and traumatizing bullying can be from anyone.

DISASSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDERS CAN BE CAUSED BY BULLYING.

[shwaluvr]

Rememberance

A Brian Griifin and Song Mingi Story

tags - family guy, ateez, slight mention of mpreg, tequila

3:37pm September 11th 2024

Brian..

Brian wake up!

BRIAN!

An undistinguishable voice shouts across the field running frantically towards Brians limp body. As the man approaches Brian begins to realize who it is and where he is.

“..Chan I told you I never wanted to see you again” Brian mutters.

“Brian you are seriously hurt we need to get you to a doctor” The man exclaims. A look of anger rushes over Brians face

“Don’t you realize Christopher?! It was YOU that did this, I would have never been hurt if you just let me live without you!?”

“I couldn’t stand to watch you hurting, and don’t call me Christopher” Chan lifts Brian up in a hurry and begins to run in the direction of his 2004 Subaru Baja

“I AM NOT GETTING IN THAT THING, You never even check the fucking oil”

“You are about to bleed out and you care more about my Baja than your own well being, why do I even bother?”

As Chan loads Brian into the car he notices the stick lodged into Brians side and goes to pull it out

“DO NOT pull that out Chan! did you learn nothing in First Aid training? Or did you miss that part because you were staring at me the whole time”

“Im sorry” Chan starts the car and speeds off in the direction of the hospital

10:23pm September 11th 2024

I have to leave you now Brian, its for the best

9:30am November 5th 2024

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“shut the fuck up” Brian smashes his phone to shut off his alarm

“I should call out, but its Nicoles birthday and the cake is in my fridge, why am I always in charge of this shit, I cant even have fucking chocolate”

As Brian drives to work he tries to remember the night before, 4 tequila shots was enough for him to only remember snippets of what happened and he had had 5. It dawned on him there was a man, a tall man, with a big ass (Brian liked big asses)

“fuck what was his name” Brian muttered under his breath, Brian dismisses the thought and continues his drive to work. After carefully loading the cake into the office fridge Brian hears someone sneak up behind him

“Soooo did you get his number” Brian jumps at the surprise he fully knew was coming

“whos number?”

“the cute guy at the bar! the one you called dibs on” And suddenly everything rushes back to Brian

“I did not call “dibs” Nicole I merely got to him first, and besides no I dont think I did”

“Wellll… I have a suprise… I got it!”

“Good for you, now can you move I have work to do”

“I got the number for you. and you didnt even say happy birthday, you are suck a fuckwad, no wonder Bang Chan left you for me”

“He didnt leave me for you, its a lot deeper than that”

“Still no happy birthday?”

“happy birthday.” Brian muttered as he brushed past Nicole on the way to his desk. Why would he bring Chan up.. its been months now and she knew you hated talking about it, he left you alone in the hospital for 3 days. Nicole swiftly walks up to brians desk leaving a neatly folded napkin with what seemed to be etched by a pencil a phone number was written on it, sloppy but somehow still legible

“… i cant believe she did this” he said under his breath pulling up the imessage app on his phone

“what do I even say, hi its the guy who was hitting on you at the bar last night, or hey I like your ass”

hey its me from the bar last night

which one?

I’m kidding, Im glad she actually gave you the napkin

why wouldn’t she?

dont act like you didnt see her staring at me the whole night, but you were staring too werent you?

yeah maybe i was what about it?

maybe you could meet me back there and you can make it up to me

tonight at 6:30

well I guess I have to, you gave me no choice

Brian slams his phone down

“fuck, what am I doing”

6:23 pm November 5th 2024

As Brian sits at the counter waiting he cant help but wonder what he signed up for, mid daydream he feels a tap on his shoulder

“hey! its good to see you showed up”

“of course Id show up, Im a man of my word”

“You are? you said you were gonna take me into the alley last night”

“I did?”

“No im just kidding Brian, you didnt make any open threats.. yet”

“I have something embarrassing to say.. I dont remember your name.. I had 5 shots.. Sorry”

“haha its okay, Im Mingi, do you want a drink?”

“yeah I mean thats the real reason I’m here”

“Im sure it is” Mingi chuckles as he gestures towards your favorite bartender Kat”

“Katt!!! can we get two of your extra special margs” Mingi almost pleads

“On a Tuesday?? you cant just drink every weeknight”

“Kattttt work is tough, you know that!”

“Ok but your limit is 3, unless you wanna throw me a hefty tip”

“deal.” Mingi turns to Brian

“Have you had one before, they are her best drink”

“Honestly I usually just down shots and go on with my night”

“Thats no fun”

A couple drinks go by, the both of them chatting away learning what felt like everything about one another

“Brian” Mingi interjects

“How about we go back to my place, I have some stuff I can fix us another drink since Kat so kindly cut us off”

“..okay”

“Bye Kat!! and tell Woo goodluck with the ultrasound!l

Both Brian and Mingi walk out of the bar, catching the next taxi back to Mingis place

“What are you a multi-millionaire, this place is huge!?”

“I live with 7 other people, well I used to a lot of them have other places to stay”

“Are any of them home? and who are these people?”

“Just my coworkers, and the only one home is Yunho who is locked up in his room in the basement playing valorant or something”

“Coworkers? what exactly do you do” This hadnt been brought up in the conversation because Brian didnt want to admit he worked a mediocre office job

“Just this like music dance group thing, nothing really”

“Pff ok mr “nothing really” can we go inside its getting chilly”

Mingi leads brian inside into his bedroom

“Your bedroom?? isnt it a little soon and what about the drinks”

“Ill go get them, I just think I heard someone other than Yunho and Im not ready for that conversation, just sit here ill be back” Mingi rushes off into the kitchen preparing two drinks as none other than Wooyoung himself walks in

“What are you doing here?? I thought you were staying at Kats tonight”

“I came to raid the snacks she hasnt been to the grocery store in a week”

“Ugh fine just leave quick”

“Why do you have 2 drinks? What are you hiding”

“Nothing Ive just had a shit day and want to have two drinks while I catch up on Chainsaw Man”

“Ok nerd whatever, see you tomorrow”

Mingi heads back into his room drinks in hand

“Im so sorry, Woo was being a prick”

“Woo like the guy you mentioned to Kat? the ultrasound one”

“Yeah the ultrasound one.. hes a pain”

“What was he prodding you about”

“Nothing really, do you like the drink”

“Its good, pretty strong but good”

“Says the person who exclusively drinks shots” He laughed, Brian couldn’t help but admire his smile and the way his face lights up when he laughs. Mingi stopped laughing to notice Brians eyes locked on his and he suddenly felt himself leaning into Brian

“Shit Brian Im so sorry.. I.. I didnt mean to”

“Its ok, I want to” Mingi leaned in, Brian felt a rush of adrenaline as Mingi leaned in, their faces just inches apart.

like for part 2

[sillylittlelemon]

hehe hi im the anon from the first saiki kusuo matchup and i would love it if i could hear your in-depth thoughts on how it would be like for me and saiki 😭 ilysm btw u made my day <3333

Nuh-uh Anon, YOU made MY day

So there. lmao

But yes ofc! This one will probably take me longer because i want to do it super good, but i promise i'lldo my best to finish it promptly! <333

Omg anon im so sorry this took so long i love you i swear

Saiki headcanons

Like i said (or did i say? I think i said) Kusuo doesnt do bugs. You know this, i know this, everyone KNOWS this, so like- man up and get that spider the fuck away from him what the fuck are youdoing? Whyare you so slow? What do you mean youre scared?! Hurry up- OHMYGODITSMOVINGKEBCDZKCBSS

An actual conversation youve had. He didnt talk to you for roughly 29 hours after (he only relented when you showed him the fancy coffee jelly you got him)

We know he has an aversion to physical touch, but i feel like a while he sort of just does it on autopilot. Like- a hand on your lower back to redirect you in a crowd so you dont bump into that man thats about to run past, a hand slipping into yours when he can hear you starting to get overwhelmed by the crowd (or juzt Teruhashi bc that girl is a whole mess). Maybe an absent minded side hug when he gets distracted by something stupid his (totally not) friends are doing. Just fleeting, light touches for a while, then he slowly relents and lets you cuddle him. (Cue him stiff as a board as you hug him from behind as you guys lay and watch his show)

He never forgets ANYTHING. At all. Anniversaries, birthdays, firsts, nothing slips past him. His mind is a steel trap for dates. He remembers the exact SHADE of your favorite color as you point to it in a fleeting moment while you two walk. He remembers the way you smile as you pass your favorite flowers in a shop window, he just knows. And he acts all 'oh i dont care', he cares. That hobby you mentioned that you wanted to try in passing like 2 months ago? He has the basic supplies wrapped and in a box, ready for your birthday in a week.

I feel like jealousy can go either way with him- a) totally chill because he can literally read your mind and he KNOWS you arent interested in that dufus or b) completely irrational

So- lets say scenario a.

Some guy or girl is flirting with you (bc you a baddie no matter your preference) and he's watching, tempted to be amused as he watches them fumble at your outright bored look, stuttering over their words, face flushing and you just standing there like '🤨 spit it out? I have better things to do? Dont you see me clinging to my scrumptious boyfriend? Shoo fly, dont bother me.' And he can hear your inner complaints and he actually mearly cracks a smile at it, turning his face away to hide the subtle smirk

However- scenario b is a different story. Imagine this person is pushier, maybe they got a little.... handsy.

Oh no. No way in HELL is that sliding, okay? Youre clearly uncomfortable and youve told this guy/girl no more than once. My man is seething. Okay? Furious. Who do they think they are? Who gave them the right to lay a single one of their twisted, grimy, heathen fingers on you-. It literally takes the feel of your hand on his to realize he had shattered the phone in his hand. Said person is now scrambling to leave, a totel mess as they eye your downright terrifying twink looking boyfriend with enough hidden strength to shatter a phone. (After this was the forst time you... yknow)

[jung-koook]

Sky, I know Jimin and JK are close. But what is this lovesick puppy behavior during every live? It was cute at first, but now it's just confusing. Why does he keep mentioning JM every opportunity he gets? I'm not into shipping, but... Does JK has no pride at all? Why don't we see the same from Jimin?

what will change if jimin mentions jeongguk on his live? what will change in jeongguk mentioning jimin on his live? anything. you know, one of the things that armys need to stop deluding themselves into thinking they know everything about bangtan or everything about their relationship with each other. and even with someone else. jeongguk is having fun on his lives. some armys needs to stop taking everything down a path that has nothing to do with it. like, I see some armys saying that jeongguk is not close to jimin anymore just because he is hanging out more with tae. like???? we know jeongguk go watch a movie with tae because it was public, we know tae and jeongguk mention that they are hanging out because they mentioned it. maybe jeongguk hung out with jimin these past weeks but he just didnt mention it. if they dont talk about it or its not something public we'll never know. do you see what i mean here? we know what they tell us but i promise you this is not even 10% of their life. we know what they share with us but there is no need for them to mention other members all the time because armys want that to happen. like some time ago jin mentioned that they wish happy birthday to each other but when they post about it its because of armys.

can you see how this behavior also affects them? stop analyzing things that dont make sense to analyze, especially when we know that we don't even know half of their personal life. its also this thing of whos close to who and something that changes. if you have a group of old friends you will see that at one time you are hanging out with one person more but the next with someone else in the group but that will not change the way you care about your other friends.

jeongguk watching jimin shows or something and jimin not doing the same to jeongguk doesnt change anything. doesnt mean anything. let them have fun. stop analyzing every second of their lives, please. i promise you. thats not good for you and obviously not for them.

[drunktayloratthevmas]

Fame aau rosekiller exes (unrequited love) happy relationship

Its 11pm and i was going to sleep But this idea came to mind and idk why I feel the need to share so yeah

Barty is a famous singer (think the neighbourdhood But also frank ocean and ldr) and evan is a famous model and a actor (think suki waterhouse a little bit) and they meet one day at an after party of a runway show of evan (barty was there because regulus was also modelling and he is a good friend) and they feel in love that second on that night and they keep talking and flirting and seeing each other for a while

Barty and evan dated for 2 and a half years and they were THE couple and everyone loved them, barty would make or Talk things Related to evan on his concerts and even has a song for him and how they meet and Everything on one of his albums (think margaret by lana del rey mixed with envy the leaves by madison beer) and evan would make lives and lit talk about barty for like 3 hours straight and people would think its the cutest ever

Idk But I think they break up But not because evan got bored or didnt feel loved or they had problems or fights, no, he just break yo with barty cause yeah and move on cause he has the mindseat of "if I did this I dont know why would I Regret it, I Wouldnt have done it if so" so he did that and pack his things But left barty a scrapbool with All of their photos since they meet and a camera wich barty gifted to him For his birthday

Barty never got with evan did it even tho evaned to him why, he was heartbroken and cried for a whole month on regulus' guest room cause his shared room with evan on their apartment had too many memories, he wrote songs for evan after the break up But most of them he never realesed them, he didnt realized when he was begging evan not to Leave him he would Never get over evan

Their fans and everyone was heartbroken too even tho they didnt know the reason of the break up, evan after 5 months of the break up he meet Amos and really liked him so they went on dates and try to date and actually did make each other very happy, people were horrible to the, evan because of how he could be with someone else in such a little time (bitch get over it... You Are Annoying shut up) and to Amos just because everyone loved barty and evan together so the New partner always gets shit on the for no reason other than "your partner looked better with this person" and i think barty would had collab of had been friends with Amos and like had post higlights or put music out with him and when the relationship went public he deleted those for a few days then put ir back on like nothing happened (he was having a mental break down my bbg was NOT okay) and well of people ate that whole ass drama UPPP like I would have too

And i think Amos and evan would still be dating and people Are a lot more suportive of them and liked them a lot more than before and barty would go to a random podcast channel to promote his music and that But they asked a question of "after your break yo with evan you haven't been with anyone else even tho he didnt even need 5 months to do so, why is that?" and yeah ve got annoyed a little at that But he told the truth "im super happy for Amos and evan actually I think they make a great couple and they looks like the love each other and will take care of each other, I will never forget what I say to evan that night things ended, I said it that night, I will say it now and i will say it again “evan rosier I loved you for many years, I love you now and i dont think I will ever not love you... just so you know” and yes i loved evan then, now and i will always love him"

So yyeah girl now its 12:18 / 00:18 and i should go to sleep But I will not I know myself saddly

[chatange]

i treat ask games like surveys this is make me admit stuff by lost-head-adventure or smth idk its deactiviated

Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

not including messages i consider too private to share on tumblr. yes

You talked to an ex today, correct?

nope.

Have you taken someones virginity?

no i dont think so. all of my partners have been more experienced than me

Is trust a big issue for you?

yes ): im working on it

Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

i like lots of people but as far as "crushes", no not recently. i should though

What are you excited for?

my partner system to get home from work. our next grocery run. autumn. my birthday next month

What happened tonight?

i posted about that today but, other than all that, i ate some pizza... honestly i should write or record or something tonight

Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no? wasted chicks are super funny

Is confidence cute?

confidence is hot yeah

What is the last beverage you had?

a monster. i should get water or something

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

none but i dont really talk to a lot of people. only the women in my family and i cant trust them. its not about being the opposite sex tho

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes

What are you gonna do Saturday night?

its sunday rn but yesterday i cried so hard i gave myself a headache and listened to a new album

What are you going to spend money on next?

probably a new microphone or sushi

Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

yes

Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yes? of course

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my partner system, but specifically mar, rich, robin, and trent

The last time you felt broken?

today at like 7pm

Have you had sex today?

yeah lol <3

Are you starting to realize anything?

being 23 aint shit. i dont know fuckin anything.

Are you in a good mood?

its alright. could be better

Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yeah theyre chill

Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

no thank gawd. otherwise id be the type of douchebag to go around calling my shit hazel.

What do you want right this second?

a haircut... jack... a punch to the jaw. (not sft text beyond this point to the end of the answer) to be dressed up in vinyl lingerie to match someone elses military gear and ride his dick while gagging on his fingers

What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

nothing. id end up in jail

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

nah i recently dyed my roots again. its black but im a natural blonde

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

usually people who arent intentionally witty are unintentionally hilarious so thats hard to picture. but if our humor just isnt compatible i mean. maybe. probably not tho that speaks to a lot of other shit

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

@fuckin-pistol-whipped's replies

Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah. sunset eyes, if this somehow gets back to you, im sorry i didnt give you a better warning. ill be back sooner than you know. it wont be months this time. i want to figure something out but i dont want to keep giving you half promises. soon, i dont know when. i love you. it means something, i swear.

Does everyone deserve a second chance?

yeah id say so

Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

sometimes <3

Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

oh yeah for sure. i think we're in a situationship. maybe we're dating? idk i cant rember. god i need to see him again soon. i should watch some videos or smth

Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

nah but i usually drink diet soda. if im buying it out at like a gas station or smth ill go full sugar cuz its just a one time thing but. i think i drink two diet cokes a day. i dont always finish em

Listening to?

+ shuffle queue

Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yeah but i prefer pen tbh. i keep like two hand notebooks a pencil and a pen on me at all times

Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

probably at his house with his cats. or with his band

Do you believe in love at first sight?

i believe in instant chemistry but love is kinda something u collaborate on. its like a living thing. ive recently figured out that two people can be in love and still wanna maim each other a little bit from time to time

Who did you last call?

@fadenkreuze but thats like a given. it was @antichristxsuperstar in front

Who was the last person you danced with?

my cat. it counts, in my book

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

we were having sex and i guess my mouth just looked that good hanging open and drooling

When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

i dont think its been a year but. it was probably springtime i wanna say-- no, late winter. valentines day cupcakes. mini ones.

Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

nah im not a hugger. he knows i like him ok tho

Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i dont believe in embarassment. but yea sometimes i make a fool of myself. usually it makes em giggle and then its fine <3

Do you tan in the nude?

i do a lot of things in the nude but i dont tan. im goth so

If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

i dont remember it

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yes actually it was rich. hey rich

Who was the last person to call you?

Do you sing in the shower?

yes sometimes but i sing all the time

Do you dance in the car?

Ever used a bow and arrow?

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Do you think musicals are cheesy?

no theyre an art form. i think A musical can be cheesy but not all of em. having said that ive never been a huge theater person but ill watch a bootleg every now and then

Is Christmas stressful?

it doesnt have to be but some people make it stressful. its lonely tbh

Ever eat a pierogi?

yep. theyre p good

Favorite type of fruit pie?

peach

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

equestrian, veternarian, rockstar.

Do you believe in ghosts?

"do you believe in barometric pressure" "do you believe in wool fibers" "do you believe in the oxidation of metals"

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the time

Take a vitamin daily?

Wear slippers?

yes and i encourage others to do so as well

Wear a bath robe?

nope too warm and humid where i am

What do you wear to bed?

the buff

First concert?

it was a festival for nu metal bands in like 2008 or something. metalfest i think it was? or something close to that name. i dont remember all the acts that played but mudvayne was there i know for sure

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

in my town theres only a walmart but i prefer target

Nike or Adidas?

Cheetos Or Fritos?

fritos are more versatile. remind me of chilis and soups

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Ever take dance lessons?

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

yeah. professional cocksucker

Can you curl your tongue?

some people cant do that?

Ever won a spelling bee?

this is a traumatizing memory for me i refuse to elaborate

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes often. usually during sex

What is your favorite book?

i hate these questions cuz then i forget every single book ive ever read. idk ill say the most recent book i read. the long hard road out of hell by marilyn manson

Do you study better with or without music?

with but it has to be instrumental or so loud its mind numbing owwww speaking of my ear fuckin hurts fuck you billy corgan

Regularly burn incense?

not anymore

Ever been in love?

Who would you like to see in concert?

obvious answers are like. mm. nin. slipknot (but like in 2002 or smth).

What was the last concert you saw?

in person? i dont even remember. its been over a decade

Hot tea or cold tea?

cold tea always preferable

Tea or coffee?

coffee. also cold

Favorite type of cookie?

sugar cookie or chocolate chip

Can you swim well?

nah

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes??

Are you patient?

extraordinarily

DJ or band, at a wedding?

either or. both? both

Ever won a contest?

nope

Ever have plastic surgery?

nah

Which are better black or green olives?

ew

Opinions on sex before marriage?

theres another type of sex?

Best room for a fireplace?

the den

Do you want to get married?

yes

[eepybogboy]

so i had heard that some of the newer releases of Monster High dolls were being made with a different type of hair fiber and that a lot of people were upset about this.

i did not, until last night, realize exactly how bad it is.

i had some of the original MH dolls as a kid, but i wasnt able to tap into the collecting hobby until i had become an adult, years after my old toys had already been donated (a tragedy, but not really the point) and before the new reboot was launched. so my doll collecting hobby really began with Rainbow High. i loved that they came with a second outfit, they had long, soft, styleable hair, and they had substance to their bodies! unlike barbie dolls, RH has curves and weight in your hand when you hold them. i thought that was awesome.

anyway. i knew that RH didnt use the saran hair that barbie often used, and that mattel used for MH back in the day and in the reboot. being new to the concept of different types of hair, it didnt matter much to me. i could see the pros and cons of both saran and the type of hair RH used.

now, recently, i tried to buy Skulltimate Secrets Draculaura for my roommate for their birthday, and amazon let me wait a whole month for them to ship it before saying, just kidding, we dont have it, heres your money back. RUDE AS HELL!

well fine. now the SS Fearidescent is out, so ill just get them that one instead. i see in the reviews that her hair type is different, they voice disappointment but ultimately shes still cute and theres not a lot that we, as consumers, can do about it except maybe complain.

and im thinking, whatever, im used to RH hair anyway, and yeah its more staticky but its still pretty soft, so how bad could it be?

well, she came in the mail yesterday, and we were pretty disappointed at just how bad it could be.

ive come to realize that RH hair is not made of polypropylene, the new material theyre giving MH as of this line (ive heard that theyve given g3 clawdeen this type of hair before, which is a whole other can of worms that isnt one of the points of this post), but for rainbow high they generally use Nylon (correct me if im wrong) which is still cheaper and less authentic to real hair than saran, but is still generally pretty soft.

ive never had a doll with pin straight hair (and almost no styling product) feel this BAD in my hands. its coarse, lightweight, and easy to frizz, just from a quick finger comb. i soaked her in hot water and conditioner, and shes only a little bit softer.

i had my partner, who, besides being supportive of my hobbies and listening to me talk about it, knows next to nothing about the differences between types of dolls, feel the difference between the first g3 Drac, RH Karma Nichols, and Fearidescent Drac. on a few quick comparative touches, they noted that saran feels the most like real hair, while RH nylon feels kinda soft but not quite as nice. then they touched new Drac, and all they said was, "ah. depression."

i didnt have my hopes up at all but my expectations were still shattered. i legitimately didnt realize it was this bad. the downgrade is Immense. ive seen people rag on RH hair, and this is WORSE. i seriously cant believe how much worse it is. i didn't think mattel would make a $30 Beloved Brand Name doll with all those accessories and give her DOLLAR STORE KNOCKOFF HAIR, but i guess thats on me for holding a corporation to any sort of production standard in 2023 🙃

anyway, all this is to say, hair fiber snobs, im so sorry and i get it now. this shit sucks.

[zak-writes]

i miss loving someone so much i couldn't breathe.

it's nice to have my lungs clear but i dont like them hollow.

people tell me its okay not to love anyone and i guess it is. there's a whole community there of people who are like me. i see them sometimes, talking about not feeling love and i think, yeah, me too.

but i used to feel like that. i spent five years suffocating at the thought of someone i couldnt touch and then five months wondering if this is really what everyone was talking about. i couldn't feel it. or maybe i could and i just didn't enjoy it.

i think i just like attention. i can get that from anywhere. im not pretty but i can be funny if i try. sometimes i write something that strikes a nerve and its never something i care about.

the things i put effort into seem to fail and the things i give up on succeed. maybe that's why im still here. i quit trying six months ago and no one seems to have noticed. i can float through life and get by fine.

at least she punched walls. at least she threw things. at least she hurt people. who am i? some shadow of a broken little girl, stuffed into a mans body that only feels right when other people acknowledge it.

i start trying to write how i feel down and i get stuck. i dont feel anything about him, three years later. some men really are just a guy. if i think back i cant identify what it was that got us here. he seems to think we're a miracle but i never believed in those.

he doesn't know what to get for my birthday. i asked him to name three of my interests and he named two. i got to seven of his before i got one wrong. he didnt tell me he stopped listening to that podcast. i didnt tell him i hurt myself again.

maybe its just an idea of it. i like the idea of it more than what could actually be. having to put effort into someone else is too far.

most people who feel nothing have a reason. i dont do drugs and i only drink on occasion. im not depressed, i dont think. i get out of bed - eventually - and i go to work and i do my assignments and i talk to my friends.

i dont know what people are talking about when they describe their hobbies. i dont do things for fun. i do them because if i dont make things all the time, things people can see, it was like i was never here.

i get asked a lot what my speciality is. i dont know what they mean. im doing this degree because it was the easy option, but also because i like all of it. its all interesting. how can you choose a favourite part? how do you decide which bit is worth putting the extra effort in?

am i just lazy? am i already a corpse? they say you get your final death when someone speaks your name for the last time. i keep shooting the little girl inside of me but people are still saying her name. i dont want her to die. i say her name in my head all the time. she screams at me. i think thats fair.

i know i love her. if nothing else, i love her. she didnt know any better. she didnt know what she was doing to me. i dont think she could conceive of me existing.

for her there was just then. for me there is the next thing. the job and the house and the children i might have. i could love a child. i love every child i meet.

so many people looked at me and saw something they could hurt. every time i look at a kid i think, how?

i love the house i grew up in. i dont have a bedroom anymore.

i love my siblings. they never call me.

i love my friends. i forget their birthdays.

i forget everything. sometimes i say the names of my dead family and i dont remember what they look like. i want to carve their names into a tree so they cant die. i want to set the world on fire.

you can love nothing and everything at the same time i think. maybe that's the point.